It’s never too late to create

I promised myself that in 2019 I would start small, baby steps, and create a blog once a month. I can do that, right?! Of course I can! Well, here it is January 31, 2019. Yesterday I felt a bit disappointed that I hadn’t written my first blog of the New Year but honestly I felt uninspired to put my thoughts into words. I’m never uninspired creatively with my art but when it comes to collecting my thoughts and sharing them it seemed a bit daunting. However, today is a new day! The last day of the month and I woke up with a head full of thoughts.

It’s Never Too Late To Create!

Let me take you back a bit and share what I mean by that and just how I have arrived at this conclusion that I truly believe with my whole heart. My kids are now 16 and 18. I just celebrated my 25th wedding anniversary. I can’t believe it! When my kids were about 2 and 4 years old I had decided I wanted to finally pursue a career as a self-taught artist. I painted murals and had mildly profitable art shows in my living room. I enjoyed being home with my babies and dreamed of how I could become a professional artist! At this stage I was in my mid thirties and felt like I had all the time in the world.

Then the rug got pulled out from under our family when my husband lost his job. Every time people have some sort of set back in life like a job loss, illness, anything that throws you off track it isn’t uncommon to lose yourself a bit, to lose focus of your goals. Boy oh boy did I ever lose my focus! I think it is important to mention at this point that I am what is known as “a fixer.” Are there any of you out there that in times of crisis say, “I’ll fix it!” Well, it has taken a long time for me to realize I do this and that is just what I did. I jumped in and said, “I’ll get my license and sell real estate!” Yep, this stay at home mom and want to be artist became a Realtor. Makes perfect sense! I’ll spare you all the gory details and fast forward 10 years when I found myself in my mid 40’s and I woke up! What was I doing? I wasn’t being my authentic self, to say the least. Has anyone else ever found themselves somewhere in life and said, “how the hell did this happen?” I’m sure almost everyone reading this has said this to themselves at some point in their life.

I decided 10 years and some of the best years of my life devoted to a career that did not feed my soul, was not my higher purpose, that wasn’t my calling and that didn’t pay honor to the gifts God gave me was just about long enough! I can remember sitting on my bed with my laptop, looking at an email instructing me to sign all of the attached paperwork in order to renew and continue my career as a Realtor. I called my husband, my very emotionally supportive husband into the room. I announced to him, “I CAN NOT DO THIS.” I WANT, NO, I NEED TO BE AN ARTIST!”

Those words were my truth, my authentic self, taking a stand and damn the consequences. My husband looked at me and said, “We may end up living in a box but I want you to follow your dreams, I’ll live in a box with you as long as you’re happy.” I tearfully constructed my resignation and cut off all access to my real estate ways that very night! Then…my husband lost his job! 

Life is a bitch that way sometimes. That’s the truth. When you have this beautiful moment of clarity and you take a giant leap of faith and you’re feeling so strong and smart and powerful and wham! Life will smack you right in the face! That, my friends is when you have to fight back! I’ve come to believe that life likes to test you, a lot! “Trust the journey” is easy to say but when you start to go over a cliff and hit pot hole after pot hole that “trust in the journey” can be shaken. Stay with me…

I stayed the course. My husband found a new job. He has since found his dream job. That span of time when I was finding my footing as a “professional” artist was a bumpy one. The job he found was hell. We struggled and I don’t know when I’ve ever worked harder at something in my life. But I didn’t waiver! I had faith in my decision and my journey.

am working harder than ever but I can say confidently that I have peace. There is a calm in my heart that reminds me of how much I’ve overcome and assures me that I am on the right path. That path has no beginning or end. Those 10 years in real estate turned out to not be a giant waste of time! Those ten years in a career I agonized over daily taught me the business end of things, something I didn’t understand when I began my shaky career as an artist the first time. The knowledge and confidence I gained has helped me be a successful artist, entrepreneur and business woman.

Here I am, 4 years later and still working, growing, dreaming, believing. SO much has happened in those 4 years. I would love to sit and talk to everyone who needs encouragement over a cup of coffee. We would talk about the roller coaster of disasters, challenges, successes, moments of elation and joy and pride and growth. But for the sake of this first blog entry I will skip to the present to today and how I found myself actually writing this blog entry.

WHY did I choose this topic to begin the New Year with? I’ll tell you this…I realized this story isn’t only about me.

 Recently, while teaching a group of women an art lesson one of the women shared a listing of an art gallery that was for sale here in Texas. She knew I would fall in love with the space and said I should buy it. “Sure!” I thought. “I’ve got one kid in high school, one starting college and I’ll pick up and go buy a gallery in a town full of retirees.” I didn’t say that but in the back of my mind that’s what I was thinking. I’m on a journey and I’m content with the stage I am at. “One day I may have a gallery but I don’t feel panicked or rushed to jump into that at the moment”…I think I said something along those lines after I could see that she was very serious and a bit disappointed that I wasn’t as excited about my new life as a gallery owner as she was.

 Now, first let me say I am honored by her confidence in me. I finally ended the conversation, so I thought, with “maybe one day, goals.” But what happened next shook me! She said, “When!? You’re getting old and running out of time!” I replied, “Out of time? I’m only 49 and feel like I’m in my 30’s.” She replied, “I thought you were in your mid 50’s” What the… Have you ever been smacked into that silence where you just have no response? Like, what the heck just happened? I was feeling good about myself, I got out of bed today like a champion and I have goals and
dreams and…

 My class left for the day and her words were still spinning in my head. For a few hours I can honestly say I felt panic. Am I behind in life? Am I old? Is time running out? Should I pack up my family and follow a dream I didn’t have 3 hours ago but now feel compelled to have because time is running out and…

 Breathe. Center. You are ok.

I sat down and tried to sort out these swirling emotions in my mind. First, what other people think or say about you doesn’t matter. It feels like it should but at the end of the day it really doesn’t. Even well intentioned opinions and comments can through us off track if we let them. Don’t. I have a dream and it’s my dream and I get to be the author of that dream. I have a vision and a plan and I trust myself to make them into the reality I want. So, I removed myself from the equation.

THIS is what inspired this first blog of 2019 on the very last day of January! My dear artist friend who, in trying to inspire me, had inadvertently smacked me in the face with truth! With Fear! With Panic! But I realized those feelings weren’t mine. I didn’t feel angry or irritated or defensive all of a sudden. I felt compassion and I wanted to give her a big hug along with a big kick in the pants.

I wanted to say, “It’s never too late to create. It’s never too late to create our reality and follow our dreams. Life sometimes throws us massive curve balls and puts an obstacle in front of every step forward that we try to take and sometimes we have to adjust the huge, romantic dream into a ‘now dream’ with the possibility for improvement.”

 I know so many women are overwhelmed and have been dealt hands they didn’t expect in life. But there comes a time when you have to be super clear on what you want, what makes you happy and what brings you joy. What is your dream? Then you have to decide to go for it and THAT is the big scary leap of faith part! THAT is your first hurdle. Then you need to have a vision and a plan. You will have to alter and adjust those plans a thousand times because that is just how this crazy life thing works! The goal is to never give up on the dream. Take one day at a time and stop beating yourself up with negative self talk because you aren’t at the finish line yet with the big trophy that reads, “You did everything perfect! You win!”

It is NEVER too late to CREATE. CREATE JOY. CREATE PEACE. CREATE SELF LOVE. CREATE BOUNDARIES. CREATE CONFIDENCE. CREATE the best version of your world. For each of us that means something different.

Creatively it may mean a TV tray and a cute tote full of art supplies you pull out every evening and make ANYTHING while watching TV. Maybe you can turn that unused dining room table into a creative space that is inviting and fun and sparks joy in your heart every time you look at that big, beautiful mess right when you walk in the front door! (Side note…anyone can have a beautiful dining room. Yawn. I guarantee your guests will be more fascinated by a big table full of creativeness than a perfectly set, unused dining set! If they aren’t, well, then those just aren’t your people!)

We eventually converted our garage into a studio after I had taken over every flat surface in our home. I have an understanding and supportive family but I also understand they have their limits. I started with one student in my garage turned art studio, my niece! I now have 4 classes of students who come every week to create art!

Then I had an unexpected opportunity fall out of the sky. One of those awesome moments when life throws you a bone for your determination and to encourage you to keep going. That bone was in the form of an Studio. I now have a real, professional artist studio in Downtown Houston in the heart of one of the largest and coolest artist communities! YAY me!

Yet, my favorite place to create is right here. Right where I sit sharing my thoughts with you. In my home, at this old dining room table covered in creative mess! I’ve found my joy. It was a long and bumpy road but I found it! I don’t need any more than this but I do have dreams and goals that excite and terrify me all at the same time. I know in my whole heart I will and can reach them by staying on this path, this journey that has gotten me this far. I wanted to share all of these thoughts about MYSELF in order to speak to YOU! I know you are out there and I know you are struggling. I hope the universe picks you up and plops you down somehow in front of this little blog post from my heart to yours.

My hope is that this first blog will speak to you. If my words can spark a little fire in your belly to get up and go make a creative space I will feel so much joy. Start small. Love it. Use it. Grow with it. I hope that you will join me on my journey and share your journey of creative courage! Believe in your creative space and believe in yourself! Laugh off the mistakes and rise above the challenges. It is NEVER TOO LATE TO CREATE! 

Lets do this! 

Hugs,
Holly